Enter Richard Lewis – the doctor responsible for saving Amy’s life after her drink and drug-fuelled suicide attempt. Thanks to his own hidden demons, Richard is drawn to Amy and her situation, and despite the incessant warnings from both his own mind and his jealous ex-lover Joanna, he feels compelled to help her.
But how will Amy feel when she discovers Richard’s attachment to her is born out of his own guilt? He was her last resort – her last chance at being saved. Can anybody save Amy, or has she finally reached the end of a very long, torturous road?
(Not recommended for younger readers due to language, scenes of self-harm and sexual content)
"When you are on a mission to self-destruct you become determined. It's almost addictive - the urge to find some sense of release, of escape. It consumes you entirely - leaving no room to consider anyone else, and the only person that can help you is yourself"
This book, oh my god this book, is real, raw and gritty, and if you can believe it after that it's also beautiful. It's not light, fluffy or easy to read and it may not be a book that everyone can stomach because it shows the effects of long term abuse and the ways in which a person chooses to cope. I can't even begin to describe the emotions associated with this book, I never would have thought that a book about abuse, drugs, and self harm would make it on my favorites list but it has. Mrs. Haken took me through a year in the life of such a beautiful yet shattered girl and I felt like I was right there with her. Living each moment, suffering each blow, feeling each cut, shedding each tear, and wanting nothing more than to be saved from the nothing that surrounded her.
Shattered doesn't even begin to describe Amy. She has lived her whole life alone in a home with an alcoholic mother and a powerfully influential and extremely abusive father. Always being alone and never feeling love, unless you call love broken ribs, and busted lips, over the years she has found ways to cope...publicly and privately. Publicly not having many friends except her BFF Julie she has a relatively easy time masking her hurt in front of her by doing the usual teenage rebellion, partying, one night stands, but Amy doesn't do these things for fun like the others around her, shes doing it to escape, to feel....anything. Privately Amy copes in another way by inflicting self harm to escape the realities of the wretched word around her. Escaping the screams of her parents, the fists of her father, by just embracing the pain.
"A faint voice in the back of my mind was telling me to stop but I defied it, craving the relief I knew it would bring. I glided the blade through the skin of my thigh slowly, meticulously... Again, I tuned out the pain...Trying desperately to carve away his touch...I felt fulfilled and smiled inwardly at the knowledge that my dad couldn't hurt me as much as I could hurt myself"
"A faint voice in the back of my mind was telling me to stop but I defied it, craving the relief I knew it would bring. I glided the blade through the skin of my thigh slowly, meticulously... Again, I tuned out the pain...Trying desperately to carve away his touch...I felt fulfilled and smiled inwardly at the knowledge that my dad couldn't hurt me as much as I could hurt myself"
The thing is though when you're on a downward spiral, when all you want is to get away to just not feel, eventually you need more, more of anything to dull the pain, the drinking isn't enough, the cutting isn't enough everything is temporary and you want more, more of what you don't have, you want to escape not just from life but you want a completely different one, a happy one and Amy found that escape- that temporary happiness in drugs.
"Four drinks in and I was getting a little bored. Things didn't look so beautiful anymore...I recalled Leon's words in my mind 'it's cool if you manage it properly'...What the hell, I decided. It wasn't like I needed it. I just wanted it. When I started to feel like I needed it, I'd stop. Simple."
This book depicts the aspect of a downward spiral perfectly, it captures Amy's life in those weeks and months of abuse and into addiction and just how easy it is to find that little bit more until you have nothing left and have completely hit rock bottom, without realizing how it even got to that point flawlessly.
"He reached into his pocket and removed a five-dollar bill. Then he threw it at my feet before walking off into a crowd of other men who were laughing...I slid down onto the damp, stone floor. I felt empty. Worthless. Utterly humiliated. I couldn't feel my heart anymore...I couldn't do anything. I was numb. Frozen. Ashamed."
Richard Lewis is a 28 year old doctor and has worked hard to get to where he is at such a young age. He first meets Amy when he finds her passed out in front of his apartment building. That night against his better judgement instead of calling an ambulance he takes her in and helps her out. Their first interaction is fairly brief and Amy bails the next morning, and the next time he sees her is after she is brought into the hospital in worse shape than before.
"Nice to see you again Miss Hope"....It was him. The dodgy guy whose swanky over-the-top apartment I woke up in after the nightmare that was Romy's Party"
"You're a doctor?"
"Last time I checked. You've been very lucky, Miss Hope"I smirked inwardly at the irony of my name. Hope - something I'd never been fortunate enough to experience"
Richard sees something in Amy and becomes determined to help her, to help her escape the brutality in her home and to help her realize that there are other coping mechanisms other than drugs and harming herself. But is Richard doing this because he truly cares for Amy and wants to see her get better and succeed or because he is trying to fix the mistakes and regrets of his past. And are all the people the Richard is bringing into Amy's life through him beneficial for her or are they harming her deeper and in worse ways than her father ever could?
Saving Amy isn't for everyone and I realize that. I wish I could say it's a book that everyone will adore but to be honest it's not. It's emotionally gut wrenching and depicts the harsh realities of life that that many people around us face but we don't see or hear about until it's too late. But with that being said I also believe that Mrs. Haken held nothing back when writing this book and I commend her for that. Amy is so many faceless people out there that are just looking for an escape anything, the only difference is this is fiction and Amy got her Happily Ever After, many other sadly don't.
"You are strong and courageous young woman. You're a survivor I am both privileged and proud to have met you"
I would recommend Saving Amy to anyone who is willing to venture out of their comfort zone, to anyone with an open mind and an open heart. And if I can get only one thing across is that this book is about so much more than a girl cutting, it was about a young woman's journey in finding herself in a world that she was never made to belong in. It's about learning to love not only yourself but others and letting them love you, and most importantly it was about healing. The path to healing for both Richard and Amy is not an easy one and they face many challenges along the way, this book is filled with twist after twist and will have you on the edge of your seat for most of the ride, but making it to the other side was a heart shattering, imperfectly perfect journey I enjoyed taking with Richard and Amy.
"Two guilt-ridden souls, laid bare in every sense of the word- both silently begging to be saved"
This was my first Nicola Haken read and even though it was one of the heaviest books I have ever read I look forward to more from this author no matter the subject.
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"Four drinks in and I was getting a little bored. Things didn't look so beautiful anymore...I recalled Leon's words in my mind 'it's cool if you manage it properly'...What the hell, I decided. It wasn't like I needed it. I just wanted it. When I started to feel like I needed it, I'd stop. Simple."
This book depicts the aspect of a downward spiral perfectly, it captures Amy's life in those weeks and months of abuse and into addiction and just how easy it is to find that little bit more until you have nothing left and have completely hit rock bottom, without realizing how it even got to that point flawlessly.
"He reached into his pocket and removed a five-dollar bill. Then he threw it at my feet before walking off into a crowd of other men who were laughing...I slid down onto the damp, stone floor. I felt empty. Worthless. Utterly humiliated. I couldn't feel my heart anymore...I couldn't do anything. I was numb. Frozen. Ashamed."
Richard Lewis is a 28 year old doctor and has worked hard to get to where he is at such a young age. He first meets Amy when he finds her passed out in front of his apartment building. That night against his better judgement instead of calling an ambulance he takes her in and helps her out. Their first interaction is fairly brief and Amy bails the next morning, and the next time he sees her is after she is brought into the hospital in worse shape than before.
"Nice to see you again Miss Hope"....It was him. The dodgy guy whose swanky over-the-top apartment I woke up in after the nightmare that was Romy's Party"
"You're a doctor?"
"Last time I checked. You've been very lucky, Miss Hope"I smirked inwardly at the irony of my name. Hope - something I'd never been fortunate enough to experience"
Richard sees something in Amy and becomes determined to help her, to help her escape the brutality in her home and to help her realize that there are other coping mechanisms other than drugs and harming herself. But is Richard doing this because he truly cares for Amy and wants to see her get better and succeed or because he is trying to fix the mistakes and regrets of his past. And are all the people the Richard is bringing into Amy's life through him beneficial for her or are they harming her deeper and in worse ways than her father ever could?
Saving Amy isn't for everyone and I realize that. I wish I could say it's a book that everyone will adore but to be honest it's not. It's emotionally gut wrenching and depicts the harsh realities of life that that many people around us face but we don't see or hear about until it's too late. But with that being said I also believe that Mrs. Haken held nothing back when writing this book and I commend her for that. Amy is so many faceless people out there that are just looking for an escape anything, the only difference is this is fiction and Amy got her Happily Ever After, many other sadly don't.
"You are strong and courageous young woman. You're a survivor I am both privileged and proud to have met you"
I would recommend Saving Amy to anyone who is willing to venture out of their comfort zone, to anyone with an open mind and an open heart. And if I can get only one thing across is that this book is about so much more than a girl cutting, it was about a young woman's journey in finding herself in a world that she was never made to belong in. It's about learning to love not only yourself but others and letting them love you, and most importantly it was about healing. The path to healing for both Richard and Amy is not an easy one and they face many challenges along the way, this book is filled with twist after twist and will have you on the edge of your seat for most of the ride, but making it to the other side was a heart shattering, imperfectly perfect journey I enjoyed taking with Richard and Amy.
"Two guilt-ridden souls, laid bare in every sense of the word- both silently begging to be saved"
This was my first Nicola Haken read and even though it was one of the heaviest books I have ever read I look forward to more from this author no matter the subject.
**Copy kindly provided by the author in exchange for an honest review**